It would really be very easy, you know.
    Of course it would hurt at first.  But just at first.  Then I probably wouldn't feel it anymore.  I would be gone, and would never feel it again. It's a nice thought.  A wonderful thought.
    Nuriko, I'm jealous of you! To imagine that.  An emperor shouldn't be jealous of anyone, should he?  After all, he has everything.  And not only do I have every material desire, but I have beauty as well.  You were beautiful, too, but in a different way, more feminine, not so delicate, more...
    It's strange that I'm jealous of you.  But it's a wonderful thought.  You're so free now, aren't you?  Without pain, without loneliness, without duty or anything.  Just gone, empty, like sleep but without the dreaded thought of waking.  Never waking up again.  It's a wonderful thought!
    I know very well how to kill a man.  It's easy.  Very easy.  Just slip it between the ribs, and it'll hurt at first, but then they'll be gone, and it's a mercy kill, all kills are mercy, aren't they, freedom from everything, I'm so jealous...
    Oh, I'm so noble, aren't I?  Noble, noble, so damned noble.  I'll let Miaka have Tamahome.  Take Tamahome!  Take the sword from Taiitsu-kun.  Take everything from me, please, and let me die so nobly that it aches.  It's all part of my act, though.  I'm so noble because I have no choice.  No choice at all, not in the least.  I have to let you go, Miaka, because you're running from me, and if I keep you it'll hurt too, but it hurts to be away from you, and it hurts to think about you, but it hurts to think of being without you, and the only thought that doesn't hurt is the thought of being with Nuriko and not having to see or think or worry anymore, forever, goodbye noble emperor, goodbye everything, and it'll be over...
    It would really be very easy.
    I'm crying.  Crying.  What right do I have to cry?! I haven't been hurt yet! I've been treated with kindness all my life!  And because I lose one thing, one girl, of all the ones that love me... I have no right to hurt like this.  I have no right to pretend to be noble.  I'm a coward, I'm weak, all beautiful things are useless...
    Nuriko, I hate you! I hate you!  Why can you die? Why do I have to stay here?  Why did you love me? Didn't you know how much it would hurt me to be loved?  Don't you see how I don't deserve you, or Miaka, or anyone?  Why don't you see it?  I'm a waste as an emperor, a waste as a shichisei, a waste as a man! I hate myself! I want to die!  I don't even deserve to die, but I want it, and each day that passes I think more and more about it.  And it's a selfish thought, from a selfish and childish man, who just cares about himself.
    If I die, they'll all suffer.  Because I'm important to Konan.  Not my value, but the value of my title.  They need someone to be emperor.  So I have to stay here. I have to suffer because they all need me.  I have to hold on.
    A wish for Suzaku.  Let me end now.  I'm empty inside.  Why do such empty people exist?  Surely the worst thing in the world is to be without a heart, and I am.  I don't care about anyone, except when it makes me look better.  I don't love Miaka, I just love the idea of her loving me.  I don't love you, Nuriko, even though you care about me, because I'm heartless.  I just love myself.
    Reckless thoughts, staring at the ceiling, crying, thinking, wondering, empty.  Help me!  Doesn't anyone see me?  Anywhere?  No answer, of course, I'm talking to myself.  I've gone insane, obviously.  Obviously.
    Don't be stupid.  It's just a panic attack, you're upset because you felt Nuriko disappear, but you don't mean any of it, you pathetic fool, you'll forget it in the morning, just like you'll forget Nuriko. You won't hurt yourself.  Don't worry about it.  You'll be fine.
    I hate you.  I hate you.  I hate you.