Nuriko quietly opened the door to Hotohori’s room, and peered through the crack. One day, he knew he’d get caught making this nightly check, and then he’d be in trouble; but in the meantime, it made him feel better to know that his love was sleeping soundly.
Expecting to see Hotohori lying in his bed, Nuriko was utterly shocked to find him wrapped in a passionate embrace with Miaka. Heart breaking, and tears clouding his vision, unable to believe what he was seeing, he couldn’t turn his eyes away from the horrible scene. Finally, a small sound from Miaka broke his paralysis, and he backed quietly away from the door. He turned in the direction of his room and began walking, his steps slow and purposeful, the only indication of his feelings a slight tremble of his lower lip. Only when he was certain he wouldn’t be heard did he break into a run, tears streaming down his cheeks, but holding back his sobs so he wouldn’t wake any of the others.
He reached his room, threw open the door, and flung himself on his bed. He felt he would choke if he held his sobs any longer, and so he let them out, muffling the sound in one of his pillows. He cried as he hadn’t since he was a small child. "How COULD she?" he sobbed into the pillow. "She KNOWS how I feel about him. She even promised to help! She’s got Tamahome, how could she steal Hotohori from me?"
In his heart, he knew he wasn’t being fair. Hotohori had loved Miaka, the Suzaku no Miko, long before he had met her. Even before he had known that Nuriko wasn’t a woman, he had never looked twice at the gorgeous Seishi. Now that the truth was out, Nuriko knew he had no chance with the beautiful Emperor.
As Nuriko finally accepted that fact, he felt his heart fracture into tiny pieces. He knew, finally, that he had no chance of receiving the love of the person who mattered most in the world to him. Sobbing, he rose and grabbed a dagger from its stand by his dresser. He stared at it for a moment, then, unsheathing it, he took a deep breath and aimed the point at his breast. He stared at it, morbidly fascinated.
For several minutes, he held that position, his hand gripping the hilt tightly, the point causing a ruby droplet to well up from under his shirt. As he continued to watch, the blood drop traveled down the sharp blade and over his fingers, leaving a crimson trail that quickly deepened to chocolate. Try as he might, he could not bring himself to make the final push that would end his misery. He closed his eyes in mortification 'I am a coward if I can’t even do this! I can’t do ANYTHING right, even kill myself' he thought. His sobs increased in intensity, and so he didn’t hear the slight shuffling of someone entering the room.
"BAKA!" A hand shot out and snatched the knife from his hand. "What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Nuriko?"
Nuriko raised tearful violet eyes to meet Tasuki’s incredulous gaze. "Tasuki!" he cried, grabbing at the knife and aiming it back at his heart. "You hate me most of all the others, you do it!"
"What the HELL?" Tasuki tried to wrench the knife back from him, but Nuriko was far too strong. "What are you talking about?"
"I can’t do it!" Nuriko sobbed, forcing Tasuki’s hand closer. "You have to. Onegai, Tasuki, put it through my heart!"
"SHIT!" Tasuki struggled for control of the knife, but it seemed to be stuck in stone, the hand of a stone monster that was pulling the knife, and his hand with it, inexorably towards the heart of his fellow Shichiseishi. He knew he had no chance against Nuriko’s full strength, but he wasn’t about to kill the other Seishi! "Nuriko, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Fighting for control of the knife despite Tasuki’s twisting it in his hand, Nuriko pulled back sharply, overbalancing Tasuki and sending him onto the bed. Tasuki regained his balance faster than Nuriko, and somehow managed to work the arm holding the knife around to Nuriko’s back, forcing it up towards the shoulder. Nuriko cried out in pain, and dropped his hold on the knife. Tasuki didn’t let go of his arm, but did let up on the pressure slightly. He straddled Nuriko’s back, his legs pinning the other Seishi’s to the bed.
"Now," he said, panting for breath, "You want to tell me what the hell this is all about?"
Nuriko sobbed incoherently into the mattress. "Hotohori…. Miaka… how could she? Die, I want to die… why? WHY, Tasuki?" His body collapsed bonelessly beneath Tasuki’s hold, offering no further resistance.
Tasuki tossed the knife into a corner, then gingerly put his arms around Nuriko. He felt horribly awkward trying to comfort him, but it was clear that someone had to do it, and he was the only person available right now. <Shit, I don’t know what I’m doing!> he thought, even as he tried awkwardly to soothe the man’s tears. "Shh, Nuriko, hush. It’s okay. It’ll be okay."
Nuriko turned beneath him and wrapped his arms around Tasuki, burying his face in the red-head’s shoulder. He continued to sob wretchedly. Helpless to do anything else, Tasuki held him close, furtively glancing towards the door, suddenly sure that he was being watched and wishing that he could somehow close the door without Nuriko noticing. He didn’t have Chichiri’s powers, unfortunately, so that wasn’t possible, but at least no one was passing outside. Yet. He returned his attention to the wretched Seishi. "Nuriko, tell me what’s wrong," he pleaded.
Between sobs, Nuriko managed to tell him what he had seen in Hotohori’s room earlier that night. "He doesn’t love me, Tasuki, he’ll never love me! Everything I am, everything I’ve lived for, is all a lie! I just want to die!"
Tasuki held him by the shoulders and shook him roughly. "What the hell? You’re a Suzaku Shichi Seishi! You were born to protect the Suzaku no Miko, remember? That’s why you can’t kill yourself. Think about what you’re saying, Nuriko! If you die, we can’t call Suzaku. The Seiryuu no Miko will win, and all of Konan will pay for it! Just because your loverboy is in lust with someone else, is no excuse for you to be such a fucking coward!"
"COWARD!" Nuriko shrieked. He began to struggle in Tasuki’s grip. "How DARE you? You don’t know anything about me! What gives you the right to pass judgment on me? I’ll kill you for that!"
As Tasuki fought with Nuriko again, he began to feel a tinge of fear. <I think I went too far this time,> he thought to himself, seeing the hatred in Nuriko’s eyes. <He may actually try to kill me!> The thought gave him a surge of adrenaline, allowing him to force Nuriko back to the bed. This time he pinned him face to face, their bodies aligned, their faces an inch apart. "Stop this Nuriko!" he yelled.
"You BASTARD!" Nuriko raged, hissing into his face. "Does it give you pleasure to torture me like this, Tasuki? Do you enjoy watching my heart break, and prodding me on? Do you like… to…" He broke down, and began sobbing again, the tears running down the sides of his face onto the already soaked pillow.
Tasuki was horrified. He hadn’t meant to hurt the other Seishi. Once again, he’d let his mouth run on before his brain, using sarcasm and insults to protect himself from the intimate situation. He’d only meant to comfort, and instead had made things worse.
"Gomen, Nuriko," he whispered. "I… I didn’t mean it…" Nuriko continued to cry, perhaps not even hearing the words.
Nuriko’s shoulders shook with each sob, and his hands grasped Tasuki’s upper arms tightly. "I know you all hate me," he whispered. "You think I’m pathetic and weird. I’m just the pervert Seishi, the freak who dresses like a girl and is in love with another man…"
Tasuki shook his head helplessly. "We don’t hate you, Nuriko. Not even close. I just insult you all the time because, well, because that’s what I do. I don’t mean any of it, not really," he paused, then, softly. "I never meant to hurt you."
Nuriko’s sobs quieted somewhat, and he raised tear-filled violet eyes to meet Tasuki’s hazel ones. "You mean that?" he asked. "You’re not just saying it to make me feel better?"
Tasuki shook his head again, not knowing what else to say. Nuriko’s eyes remained steady on his face, and he couldn’t pull his gaze away. He felt as if he were drowning in violets.
Before he knew what he was doing, his lips were pressed tightly against Nuriko’s, his eyes closed, arms wrapped around his shoulders. Nuriko stiffened for a moment, then pulled him close and returned the kiss with interest. Tasuki could feel the strength hidden in Nuriko’s seemingly fragile arms, holding him tightly but gently. They explored each other’s lips for a few moments, their breaths hot on each other’s face. Then Tasuki’s tongue darted out, and Nuriko opened his mouth to accept it.
For several long minutes, their tongues warred back and forth, fighting for dominance, exploring the exciting feeling of each other’s mouths. Hands roamed up and down bodies, inciting further lust between them. Tasuki’s head was spinning too fast for him to think. He’d never felt anything like this on the few occasions he’d attempted intimacy with the bandit female population. Nuriko’s hand found his ass, and he groaned, thrusting his hips into…Nuriko’s… erection?
"Ah! Fuck!" he cried, breaking Nuriko’s hold on him and scrambling away from the other Seishi. He stumbled backwards, his eyes wide with horror and confusion, then he encountered a chair and he collapsed into it, his legs suddenly giving out. He sat there for a long moment, panting for breath and fighting for control. "What the fuck am I doing?" he asked aloud. He’d been so caught up in the incredible feelings, he’d actually forgotten that Nuriko wasn’t a female. Not that he would have been any less surprised to find himself doing such a thing with a female. He hated women.
Nuriko lay where Tasuki had left him, the stunned look in his eyes that of a deer caught in a hunter’s torchlight. He opened his mouth, several times, as if to say something, but no sound emerged.
Feeling the strength return to his legs as rage flooded his body with heat, Tasuki stood up and paced back and forth angrily. His body was raging at him, prodding him to go back and finish what they’d started, and that only made him more angry. His mind a whirl of confused emotions and images, he was only dimly aware of the words streaming from his mouth. "What the hell was that? I ain’t no fucking pervert. Just ‘cause I hate women, doesn’t mean I like men! I’m not that kind of freakish…" Suddenly realizing just what he’d said, and who he’d said it to, he spun about to face the bed.
Nuriko was curled into a little ball, crying into his hands. "Aw, shit," Tasuki said, stricken. He dropped to the bed again, awkwardly reaching out to touch Nuriko’s shoulder. "Nuriko, gomen, gomen nasai, I didn’t mean it, honest. I.. I’m just… just.." he swallowed hard, and looked away, whispering, "just scared, is all."
Nuriko studied his face, trying to find a hint of disgust or rejection. Finding none, he sat up suddenly and wrapped his arms around the flame-haired Seishi, hugging him tightly. "Yoshi, Tasuki, I understand." He whispered. His hands gripped either side of Tasuki’s face, and he dropped a chaste kiss on the other’s lips.
Tasuki scrambled back again, narrowly avoiding toppling off onto the floor. "Hey! What the hell? Didn’t I just get through telling you… Dammit, Nuriko! This is why I hate women!"
Nuriko gazed at him, more than a little hurt. "I’m not a woman, remember?"
Tasuki practically spat at him. "I know that! But you sure act like one sometimes! Crafty and cunning, the lot of you. Making a guy feel things, think things he doesn’t want to…"
Nuriko’s eyes flashed in anger, and Tasuki suddenly knew he’d said EXACTLY the wrong thing. "Uh… Nuriko… I didn’t…"
"Shut up!" Nuriko hissed at him, grabbing him roughly by the upper arms. "Just shut up! Do I look stupid? How many times do you think I’m going to believe you "didn’t mean it"? So, you don’t like a woman’s cunning and craftiness? Maybe a man’s force and coercion would suit you better!" He shoved Tasuki down onto his back, one hand reaching up to encircle and hold both wrists in a grip of iron, one leg pinning both of the other man’s. His other hand roamed freely up and down Tasuki’s torso, and his lips pressed hard against the reluctant bandit’s.
Helpless to move in the other Seishi’s grip, Tasuki was horrified to find himself responding to the rough treatment. His whole body was tense, expectant, and what felt like all the blood in him was centered in his loins, setting off a raging fire. He couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t breath. He tried desperately to free his hands, or even just his mouth to scream, but Nuriko’s tongue forced its way into his mouth, and that free hand was roaming dangerously low…
"So," Nuriko raised up to comment, his hand gripping Tasuki’s erection and stroking as the bandit moaned with a mixture of pleasure and terror. "You’re not so ambivalent to my touch after all, are you Gen-chan?"
Nuriko couldn’t believe the feelings he was getting from doing this to his fellow Seishi. A part of him was truly enjoying this… and another part was horrified at what he was doing. Tasuki whimpered helplessly. Nuriko thrilled to the sound… and then froze solid at the bandit’s next words.
"Yamete, Nuriko, onegai! Yamete!" Nuriko froze in place, still holding Tasuki to the bed but making no further movements. The bandit’s eyes were squeezed shut and he seemed unaware that Nuriko had stopped. "Onegai, Nuriko. Yamete." Then, he opened his eyes. Stricken violet eyes met pleading hazel, and Nuriko wrenched away.
"Gomen! Gomen nasai, Tasuki!" he cried, curling up into a ball once again, facing away from the red-haired Seishi. Arms wrapped around his waist, he shook violently, hating himself for what he had just done.
There was silence in the room for many minutes. Finally, Nuriko heard the sheets rustle, and assumed Tasuki was getting up to leave.
He was shocked when strong arms wrapped around him from behind, pulling him back against a well-muscled chest. Tasuki cuddled the purple-haired beauty to him, burying his face in the scented locks. "Gomen, Nuriko. I prodded you into that. But, you know, that’s not the man’s way. No real man would do such a thing."
Nuriko closed his eyes in pain. "Gomen nasai."
"It’s all right. I’ll live." There was a note of humour in Tasuki’s voice that Nuriko was surprised to hear. He leaned his head back to see the other Seishi’s face, and was further shocked when Tasuki’s lips covered his in a gentle kiss. Tasuki pulled away, grinned at him self-consciously, and stood up. He was almost at the door, never looking back, before Nuriko found his voice. "Tasuki! Gen-chan, matte…" Tasuki turned back to face him, one hand on the door handle. Nuriko gazed into his beautiful hazel eyes for several moments before speaking again. "Stay with me tonight? Onegai?" Seeing the stricken look of apprehension on the other man’s face, he hastily elaborated. "Not like that. Just… hold me?"
Tasuki eyed him uncertainly, part of him desperately trying to find an excuse not to say yes. Part of him not. Several emotions flitted across his face; confusion, apprehension, desire. "I snore," he offered suddenly. Weakly. "And I toss and turn a lot. You won’t get any sleep."
Nuriko looked at him incredulously. A most unladylike snort passed his lips. It turned into a chuckle, and then into a giggle. Soon he was roaring with laughter, eyes streaming, collapsed on the bed. Tasuki joined him as the tension flooded away. Finally, they sat up and wiped their eyes. Tasuki reclined on the bed, and Nuriko moved into the shelter of his arms, drawing a light blanket over them both. For some reason, the position felt inexplicably RIGHT to both of them.
"Oyasumi nasai, Gen-chan," whispered Nuriko as he drifted off. He was asleep too soon to hear Tasuki’s returning, "Oyasumi…. Nuri-chan."